Alpha Female, Beta World

A One Income Household Is Still a Two Way Street (Part 1) April 23, 2007

“I found love on two-way street/but lost it on a lonely highway…”

 While quiet storm jams rarely have life-altering wisdom to share, these words are quite insightful and deserve a second read (listen?).  When you’re the primary or solitary earner in a two-plus person home, resentment can arise.  In fact, it’s almost guaranteed. That vintage baseball card collection he’s passionate about starting? It’s costing you hours of work per month.  Similarly, her love of designer handbags may be cutting into earnings you had earmarked for something else.  Clearly, setting out some guidelines about spending can ensure that you don’t end up on that falsetto-ed “lonely highway.” Today I’ll touch on two ways to change your attitude in this situation, and in the coming week, I’ll hit on two concrete actions: one to take and one to avoid.

First, estimate your own expenses fairly.  When you’re working full-time and your partner isn’t, it can be easy to play the martyr.  However, before you begrudge their splurge on a new sweater or even a bottle of wine (when you know you won’t drink any), consider your own expenses.  What have you bought recently that your partner couldn’t share with you?  Don’t fall into the mindset of thinking your partner is the only one spending on themselves.  It may feel that way, but it’s probably not the reality.  Stay focused on the hard facts, not your work-wearied perceptions, and you may find that your spending habits are far more equitable than you imagined.

Respect your partner’s non-monetary contributions.  Yes, you bring home the cold, hard cash, but that doesn’t mean you’re the only one bringing value to the relationship.  Is your partner taking care of the children? Caregivers typically earn $8 an hour (median rate in 2004).  Are they cleaning the house?  That nets over $20,000 a year on average.  Do they do the cooking?  Personal chefs typically earn $25 to $50 per hour.  How about any laundry, massages, errand-running, shopping, and entertaining?  Your partner’s contributions to your lifestyle may be more significant than you realize.  Stop undervaluing them and assuming that they don’t have the same stress and challenges you do.

Later, I’ll share more concrete advice on how to ensure that your one income household runs like an equitable two way street.

Mom’s Advice Pays Off: Financial Independence Is Critical April 18, 2007

Mom always raised me to be independent.  Though she didn’t beat it into my brain or lay out too explicitly, I grew into adulthood knowing that being financially independent (i.e. not reliant on a parent or a man) was a vital part of being a grown-up.  While I took this advice to heart, I never really understood its true importance. 

I just found out that my husband is going to need to put his business on hold (or scale back dramatically) due to health reasons.  I am now no longer a de facto alpha female; it’s official.  I’ll probably be supporting us for the rest of our lives (barring any unforeseen developments).

If I hadn’t followed my mom’s advice, my husband might not be able to take care of his health issues.  While I may have fantasized about a dude on a white horse with a fat paycheck, I didn’t bank on it; I banked on myself.  Thank goodness for Mom.

My Alpha Financial Philosophy April 12, 2007

Since I expect this blog to take a personal finance twist from time to time, it seemed relevant to provide some background on my own financial philosophy.  The most accurate description of my financial personality might be “Frugal Yuppie.”  I pride myself on being a conservative spender and a black belt saver.  However, I do hope to have a fabulous house and nurse a weakness for fashion (thus the “yuppie” addendum). 

As far as investing goes, I’m a newbie.  As I was very conservative with my money throughout college, I continued this trend once I landed my first job.  My husband (then boyfriend) was the one who pushed me towards investing, with the attitude that not investing was a bigger risk.  He’s had me convinced for about a year, and now I’m a fairly aggressive investor (select mutual funds and individual stock picks).  Though the market is currently rough, I’m young enough (25 years old) to handle the ups and downs.

Recently, paying the mortgage on our lovely new home on just my salary has put a major dent in my ability to save.  As we make improvements to the house and get established, money seems to flying out the door faster than I can earn it. However, I would never put my future at risk for the present, so I continue to make regular Roth IRA (mine and his) and 401k contributions.

My most common pitfalls are lack of budgeting (I never used to spend even close to what I earned, so this wasn’t a problem before marriage) and being somewhat overly frugal.  While I’m a bit pinched, I don’t want to spend these years feeling like crap about money, but without letting ourselves have many treats, it’s easy to get down on myself about poor cash flow.

In short, I’m pretty sure I’m going to win the financial war eventually, but the current battles are wearing me down.